| We hear much said these days about the art of
defensive driving. It is essential for one to learn to drive defensively
if he is to insure, at least to some degree, his own personal safety as
well as the safety of others. In driving defensively, we learn to
anticipate the actions of the other driver and react before he does. The
same principle of defensiveness can be applied to the dating
relationship. Defensive dating is the effort of sincere young men and
women to please God in their dating experiences, while insuring their
own happiness for now and in years to come (Matt.
5:8; I Tim.
4:12; II
Tim. 2:22).
Dating is good and a wonderful blessing in a young person’s life as
they prepare for marriage. In his book, A Father Talks To Teenagers,
P. D. Wilmeth wrote, "Dating is one of the most exciting
experiences in your life. It’s lots of fun. Ask those who date, if you
have any doubts. Suddenly new horizons are before you, your personality
blossoms out, your sense of being a person worthy of affections becomes
real. This is a time when friendships flower and ripen. It is a time of
great exhilaration, splendor, and discovery. To live it fully is to
enjoy one of life’s most delightful experiences. Dating serves many
purposes. It is important part of growing up–it is a part of the fun
of adolescent years. Dating helps the adjustment to a man-woman world
and is actually a preparation for marriage. Dating leads to marriage and
marriage is ‘for keeps’" (pp. 119-120). Allow me to consider
some important safeguards in the art of defensive dating.
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1. Young People Who Are Christians Should
Date and Marry Christians.
This is the first rule of dating, but one
that too few of us take very seriously. The seriousness of it was
impressed upon my mind a few years ago in an article entitled, "Of
Interest To Parents and Youth". It revealed some information
compiled by brother Bobby Key who preached in Miami, Oklahoma for 20
years. Brother Key compiled statistics about young people from that
congregation over the 20-year period.
Here are the statistics:
Christians
Married To Non-Christians
57 Left the
Church
22 Faithful As Christians
14 Converted Their Mates
25 Divorced |
Christians Married To
Christians
5 Left the Church
59 Faithful As Christians
2 Divorced |
The author of the article, Billy Moore, made this observation:
"Here is some information for our young people and their parents to
ponder. We do not believe the contrast reveals a purely accidental
variance. The figures speak loudly. It is hard enough to live the
Christian life when both parties in marriage are trying to serve the
Lord. Problems are multiplied over and over again when one, along with
little or no encouragement (and often with calculated hindrance added)
has to make the effort. Young people....LISTEN!
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2. Avoid Being In Places and Situations
Where There Will Be the Opportunity To Yield To Temptation.
For
example, a young couple should never be in either of their homes alone
with each other. This is not to say some cannot be trusted in such a
situation, but it is a fact that more often than not this is an open
door to trouble. The parked car also presents dangers. Young people will
find their feelings hard to control without it being provoked by such
surroundings. Good sense and self-control will protect you from a
lifetime of sorrows (Rom.
6:12,13; II Tim.
1:7).
3. It Is Good For Young People To Double Date.
It has
advantages because it is easier for four people to carry on an
interesting conversation than it is for just two. It helps alleviate the
problem of a young couple not knowing what to say to each other. It is
also an excellent way to build lasting friendships with other couples.
4. Have Something Planned and Definite To Do On A Date.
Be considerate of your parents by letting them know where you are going
and what you will be doing. Please respect the desires of your parents
to have you back home by a certain time. Be sure to plan activities that
you do not have to wonder about as a Christian (I Thess.
5:22).
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